Our Top Ten Practical Jokes (So Far)

1) This man must be stopped! Oh sure, he looks harmless enough riding his John Deere LT-50 every chance he gets. But he's a fairly dangerous man. He started a cascade of events that would eventually involve at least seven people. It is unclear to me why he called Mark during the performance of "Wonderful Tonight" in Greenville, SC. Perhaps it was an attempt to make fun of the ubiquitous cell phones one sees pointed at the stage during "Wonderful Tonight" hoping to share the moment with the significant other who could not attend.

Whatever the motivation, this act turned out to be like poking a hibernating Tennessee black bear with a stick. Mark retaliated with phone calls during "Wonderful Tonight" from Washington, DC, Philadelphia, Cleveland, New York (both nights) and Indianapolis.

I thought it would be funny to call someone and share the music even thought they were attending the same concert. So, I called Mark and Sam during the Cleveland performance. In the following days, Mark called me from Columbus, Detroit and Indianapolis. We saw each other - and called each other - in Chicago. Did I care that it was 1 AM on the East Coast when the song was performed in San Jose? Heck no! I called Mark both nights. I foiled his scheme to have other Clapton fans call me from Hollywood by going to Hollywood! Lisa called me anyway, but Scott did not. And of course, I called Mark, smug in the knowledge that he could not retaliate since it was the last show of the tour.

2) Since Sam invented the Eric Clapton Head On A Stick and Mark help popularize it on his 2001 Geetarz World Tour, I felt it was time that they got a little Head of their own. So, I created Mark Head On A Stick and Sam Head On A Stick and photographed them in various locations on my California trip. The pictures were then placed on the Internet:

Sam Head On A Stick And Mark Head On A Stick's Excellent Adventure

3) I was then amused - and horrified by a profile that Mark had supposedly put on a dating site. In part, it said "Single professional male seeks same for hot steamy relationship. I love to live on the wild side, there's nothing I won't try at least once with the right man. I just need to find the right partner with his HEAD in the right place - and without a STICK up his ... well let's just say you'll have to find out where that goes yourself! Please call Steve 24 hours/day at ___-___-____ I just love those early morning booty calls - hope to hear from you soon!" Two digits of my cell phone number were transposed, suggesting he had not really posted my phone number. But I had to know for sure. And that involved signing on to the dating site, and telling it I was looking for men in my area to see if the fake profile showed up.

4) I made the mistake of mentioning I had a date on a Friday night, which prompted Mark to celebrate the fact on his website: www.geetarz.org/index-date.htm

5) I felt like I was wearing Milk Bone underwear in a dog-eat-dog world. What to do? Well, Mark knows a lot about guitars. And his website is the largest Internet home of Clapton bootleg artwork. Why not feature him in such artwork? And why not have him playing the stupidest looking guitar known to man - one fashioned from my head? Left click on the picture for the high resolution version. Then right click on that picture to save it.

Bet you didn't know there there is a "Belfast" sign!

This is just wrong

6) Mark then used my name and email address on email responses he sent out. I think he regrets doing this, because he forgot to change it back.

7) I felt moved to alter a recent magazine cover, although I did not know what I was going to do with it. It turned out pretty funny...

8) But not as funny as when someone else altered it further. I thought it was Mark because the email had his name and email address. Sort of like 6) above.

9) It turns out that the altered altered magazine cover was the work of T.G. Mark and I figured this out and joined forces briefly against The Evil One. My first attempt at retaliation was a little lame.

10) Then I realized what must be done! The picture to the right is only a taste of what I have done. Click here for the full animated feature. I think you'll agree that it ties everything together nicely. "May the circle be unbroken."

It is my sincere hope that Mark and T.G. will just give up and bow at my feet. I suspect that will not be the case. In fact, here is what I think I will look like when Mark and T.G. poke one of my eyes out...